Finding The Goddess In Me

Daily matters seem to escape my interest these days...

The Devil recruiting a new servant
His dark figure has been standing over me, expecting me to be afraid. As if fear could reach me now. I almost wanted to laugh at his confident posture. What he was proposing was more like sanctuary compared to this constant state of anguish I was in for so long.
“I don’t suppose you could imagine breaking into thousand upon thousand little pieces, day in and day out?” I proposed, however, it was more of a statement. “You, ‘my friend’ are not offering anything that may hurt me more.” I simply stated.
“You seem awfully sure for a human.” He said the last word, as if in disgust.
“But you need me, no?” At this point I could afford to be smug.
“That, I do,” he hissed.
It was almost uncomfortable. Shouldn’t the roles be reversed? Shouldn’t this ‘creature’ be the one who was convincing me to sell him my soul? However, I don’t suppose there are any experts on the matter.
Whatever this creature may be, he has chosen a form of a man, or rather a “male”. Maybe it would be wise to tell him what someone like myself could do for him, for after all – “hell hath no fury, like a woman scorned.” I almost laughed out loud at my sudden memory of Congreve’s clever insight into a woman’s nature. How it perfectly fit this odd arrangement.
As if he has read my mind, he grinned darkly “You, my dear, are perfect for the role.”
Intrigued as I may be, I could not afford the time it would take to explain the details of how he got such deep insight into his choice, or the details of the role he proposed. I wanted to escape my living hell and trade it for a real thing, at least, since I was already ‘there’. Why fake it?
I just wanted to know one thing and one thing only, “And you promise that in return I will feel NOTHING. Nothing at all?”
Sensing my resolve and an easy catch at this point, he has come inches close to me, so I could appreciate the full glory of his empty face, “You undermine my promises, human. I do not play games, nor are such childish nuances needed in my world.”
“I like your world” I whispered, letting the pain spill freely now through my words, and probably my whole being.
His stance has started to falter. I was amazed. Could my underworld kingpin be any MORE human? Although his intentional movements were a blur of grace and nobleness, indicating that he could not be a product of the real world as I knew it, glimpses into his unintentional gestures were utterly mindboggling.
“Before we seal our deal, I cannot help but be intrigued as to why you are giving me yourself so freely.” He moved slightly away, as to appreciate the full picture of myself. “I expected at least some form of challenge in my conquest,” disappointment radiated from his last words.
“I have lived enough to know there is nothing more to expect from the world to offer me,” I offered. Pretense was not needed in this situation, I thought. “In fact, what I have been left with for quite some time is just pain….pain of ignorance of the person I trusted the most.” I finished, trying to decide what effect my words had on this creature. His figure has just been standing there in front of me, as if he were a statue, unmoving.
“I don’t suppose that you know what love is or what it may feel like?” I grinned getting a little irritated, waiting for a response.
“Are you serious?” the statue responded uninterested. “Only such weak souls as yourselves could give into such a foolish emotion.” He paused briefly, “I find it quite amusing that you are all searching for what eventually always ends in some form of disappointment. As if any creature born to a man, can fulfill what you all expect out of love,” he concluded.
“Aren’t you observant,” I was annoyed already, but his answer did not disappoint. Only then have I realized that I had asked that question to test what his world is like, because if he knew what love was - I would not enter such world as freely as I had originally planned.
He motioned with his hand to continue what I wanted to say, before I had asked such a stupid question.
“Unfortunately, I have to disappoint you in a sense, because I had not expected much of love in this case. I only expected some form of…ANY form of emotion in return. However, I have gotten something much worse. Ignorance. Not hate! Hate would be a welcome, almost desired solution to my pain. My love has decided to just not care of my existence, and I am afraid that if the time runs its course, it may turn to nothing but a pity for myself.” I cringed. “Having him pity me, is much worse than this impending death of my soul, you propose.”
He was silent, and the silence was deafening to my ears. “And didn’t you so confidently assure me that I am perfect for this role? You must have known something of the situation or myself to give you an idea of how hard, or easy your conquest would be?”
His laugh sounded more like shattering of a rock. “You will be an interesting companion to myself. I am rather glad of my choice.”
“That does not answer my question.” I forced.
“You, my dear, have nothing to lose. That’s what makes you a perfect candidate. I just didn’t know how that came to be.” He was still laughing. “I suppose I can let the details be trivial in the matter.”
Moving towards complete darkness now, he turned, “Shall we?”
I was standing already.
“Yes, Master.” I let the darkness fold.