Finding The Goddess In Me

I feel as though I am floating...somewhere in between stable ground and vast skies...This feeling is not comfortable or enjoyable, since this is how I can describe the "SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome" ride that I have been on since 10 days ago, when I completely stopped taking my anti-depressants. I feel as though I am starting to sound crazy to people when trying to explain to them that I am ready to go off of them. They don't trust me - especially now when they see me so "spaced out" and going through vast majority of withdrawal symptoms all the books write about. But no! I am determined to continue on! Post-partum cannot be called post-partum anymore! My son is 2! As these pounds that I've gained during second pregnancy are not "pregnancy weight" any more - so is my anxiety not "post-partum" any more, and I am ready...I am SOOOOO ready!
I will probably sound a little "masochist" now, but even though I have felt horrible with all the dizziness and nausea and lightheadedness, feeling of being spaced out and as though my brain is shutting off and rebooting every so often - I have felt FREEDOM at the same time! Freedom that I haven't felt for a long time! I am finally in control of all of my moods and feelings and actions...I am taking control!

Weird...based on how I've been feeling for the past week, I thought this post would be extremely negative and sad...but with every letter I type, I feel stronger! More determined! :)

As I've said...weird... :)

WW? Meh...I have dipped pretty deep into my allowance points already (since starting my new week on Friday), so I am not very proud of that, but I think I've had a nice little "non-scale-victory" today! We decided to order Swiss Chalet for dinner tonight, and instead of ordering my fave quarter chicken dinner (dark meat) with FRIES, I actually ordered chicken breast with rotisserie vegetables and garden salad on the side!!! Not only that! When the order came and all the other members of my family opened their fries filled portions, I didn't take ANY from them to "sneak a taste"! I was amazed at my self! Soooo proud! I think I am finally reaching that place in myself when I recognize the choices that I need to make in order to make this happen!! In order to find myself again underneath all this "fat"...

I hope tomorrow brings a little more of stable ground, rather than vast skies...