Finding The Goddess In Me

So, here I am!
Day 1. So far, so good...
I can't say I am following any "plan" - my plan for now is to just stay "neutral" - to not overeat, and eat only when I am hungry...no junk...lots of water...and get some moving in there somewhere - some activity! I am writing down what I am eating, to notice any bad habits, and what I am eating and NOT eating...That is a big one! Like no fruits or veggies? Unless they are mixed in some "ready-to-eat food"...I also think I am overeating on cereal and soy milk - some portion control is in need! ..and I need fat-free dairy products. :-S
So..as I am sitting here and thinking of "Day 1" - I cannot but wonder what I have been doing and how I've been getting out of control. I think, NO - I KNOW!, that a lot of my overeating has come from my anxiety and panic attacks issues...For a long while I thought that my blood sugars were crashing and that was the reason why I got those attacks and that awful feeling of being "unwell" - so I would get something to eat at the first sign of starting to feel that way....and I've been feeling like that A LOT! Later on it just became a habit - simple game of association - I associated food with feeling good, comfort in the situations where I felt weak, unwell, shaky, scared....even when I just hated myself and was sad, etc...I know this is nothing new to anybody who has ever dealt with weight loss, or just plain read about it; but to tackle those issues head on, is so complex! It's weird to say, but it is true - weight problems are the least associated with actual food! It is our emotional issues behind the eating that make us gain all that fat!!!
"The Food Stress" as I found one woman call it (will give you another quote (with her name) later). That stress that is connected with eating - stress from so many things that can go wrong in life; from things we are disatisfied about, even the stress of stressing of what to eat and when to eat, and why we are gainig weight!
It is too much for anybody to take! The body has NEEDS! If those needs are not met, the body makes us do crazy things! If you do not give your body all the nutrients it needs to function at its optimum, all the organs in our body start to protest! It is this disorderly behaviour of our body, that makes us manifest this "disorderly eating"...This is one viscious cirle that is so hard to get out of, if not properly addressed! You just HAVE to take these things slow, otherwise, you will overlook just one simple reason, of so many that make us eat and gain weight! So, for now I will be my "compassionate observer" and just observe myself - try to do my best and observe.

Here is the quote from one really smart woman I stumbled upon:
"I wish you could be a fly on the wall of my office, and listen as I interview patients about their eating habits. It is rare to find a single soul who is not experiencing what I call food stress, or disorderly eating. One cannot help but feel sorry for the poor body parts sitting before me. These body systems and cell groups are locked up, unable to get what they need to survive. Imagine someone carrying a hungry baby in their arms, and refusing to feed it. When individuals refuse to feed their body correctly, it is very much the same. The person with the baby could be arrested for child abuse. It’s unfortunate that there isn’t a law against self-abusing one’s body. Perhaps if there was such a law, people would begin to pay attention to what they are doing to themselves." Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht


Keeping in mind that I do indeed have the control, I am just compassionately observing...It may just be the time that I should finally start to like myself, if not love...yet.