Finding The Goddess In Me

OK...so I am messing up on all fronts! My eating is terrible, to say the least! ...and I don't even know why!!! I fully understand that my nutritionist will weigh me on Thursday night, yet I have regained some of my pounds lost already! I really thought that having to be accountable to someone else will really keep me on track..but it turns out I gave myself permission to be "bad", and I didn't even deserve it! What gives????
I am really confused...and confusion leads to more stress...more stress leads to being terrible with my food choices...In fact, I am PUNISHING myself??!!! Can that be it??? Gosh, this is so complicated...
So, when am I going to stop doing that? When am I going to realize that I *do* deserve all the good things life has to give! When am I going to realize that I do not need that protective layer of "fat" to shield me from the world! What am I afraid will happen???
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I realize I am being so negative, but I really don't know how to turn it around just yet...What do I say to myself? "Tomorrow I'll be good again?"...But no, let's think - what would I say to a good friend of mine if they needed some help with this?? I would say: "No, don't wait till tomorrow! Turn it around in the next breath you take..that next step you make!...Why wait??"
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I went to my "sanctuary" last night - Chapters! :) ...and while browsing new books I found this book called "LIFE - Selected Quotations" by Paulo Coelho....my favourite writer! It was the most perfect thing I could ever find in that store! I bought it right away of course, and now feel like reading the little quotes over and over again...They're so inspiring! I remember reading "The Alchemist" he wrote and how wonderful I felt about being alive then! It's amazing how some one's written word can influence your whole life!
So, one of the quotes from "The Alchemist" says:

"A search always starts with Beginner's Luck and ends with the Test of the Conqueror."

Ha! Well I definitely began with the "Beginner's Luck"...and I am nowhere near the end, yet I feel tested to my limits!
This will *obviously* be an interesting journey!
Feel like sticking around? ;)