Finding The Goddess In Me

As you may have noticed, I have not written in a while. The reason is simple, really...My mind is in overdrive, and I am all over the place! At the same time, I do *NOT* want to be negative, nor give off a "negative energy", so I am not writing...because there is, unfortunately, nothing good to report, or say! Well, not yet!

Weight-wise, I have not progressed at all. If anything, I have taken about 10 steps back! I have no idea why! I am trying to understand myself...my logic of things!? I have found this great way to LOSE IT..yet I have no desire to follow the plan and stick to it for longer than a few days! And as much as I know how this weight loss journey can have so many ups and downs, I am still trying to understand it, and the psychology behind it. How can someone who wishes so much to be healthy and at a healthy weight, work so much against it?? Explain it to me! I am trying...but I am also starting to give up understanding....
It sucks - I really thought I was ready this time... *sigh*

However, everything else that is happening to me seems to be working on some higher level! (I am sure you're confused as heck, trying to understand what I am talking about :)...but trust me, I'll get you there.) I have started to ask a lot from the Universe - maybe too much at once, because I am being bombarded with all kinds of things falling in my lap! Mainly, I have started on this road to try and completely change my life, as you now know it. My logic is this - I am extremely unhappy about some things...and I have let my life lead me wherever for years....getting myself stuck in 'unhappiness' even further...deeper...It's all mostly connected to my profession - trying to find my purpose in life. Although I have children, no, I do not think that my purpose is solely to be a parent...and although I am a wife, that too does not define me. So what is it? A Mechanical Engineer? pfft! PLEASE! Even a combination of all of those....I am just getting further and further from who I really am! I am getting LOST! So, my quest now for the optimal connection of body, mind, and soul, has reached magnificent proportions!
Ever since walking into my nutritionist's office, I have felt a strange energy vibrating through me. It suddenly seemed that every step I took, and every person that I met, was DESTINY! Mainly that whole field I have touched..."nutrition"! But not just nutrition in the pure physical, analytical sense: knowing what and how to eat....but nutrition as a way of HEALING! That strange and vibrating energy suddenly tickled me: "Could this be what I am meant to be doing?? Am I really considering that inside myself I can find a person who could be able to lead someone ELSE on a road and quest to optimal health?"...I know - irony is jumping at me too, with all the bells and whistles! Here I am, overweight and anxious....considering that I just may have been born to really be a nutritionist! But isn't it perfect??? Don't we really understand somebody perfectly ONLY when we have gone through something similar?? I am starting to consider the possibility that all these hardships that I am going through, are really meant for me to just gain the ability to understand these problems so well, so I may be able to help someone else, who may suffer from the same, or similar problem!
So, what have I done? I have researched schools on nutrition throughout the country, and have found a school that will give me the ability to finish all of the required courses through distance education. Even more perfect is the fact that I can completely finish this at my own pace, with absolutely no deadlines! (Although, I really do plan to finish this as soon as possible)....At the same time, my nutritionist and I are talking, and she mentions that she would love to have an intern! HA!...While I may not be able to just quit my job and intern with her....we *are* in the talks of me doing some things for her that may qualify as me working a bit in that profession, and helping with the business in general!
So...here I am....applied to and enrolled at the School of Nutrition...awaiting my books to come any day now....dabbling with internship at my nutritionist's office...still being a mom, a wife...AND an engineer, who is taking courses at a local college to enhance her project management skills! LOL And I am wondering why I cannot concentrate on losing weight??? Hahaha!

Somewhere in the Universe, I am seeing the file on my life being edited - someone out there is brain-storming, crumbling papers, erasing stuff, writing, adding, subtracting, pondering - I am definitely making them work for their "eternal contentment". *wink*